Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Idioms Series Tres

Before I get into the idiom series- Been trying to convince E that I can bring back “wordlife.” This is after my failed attempt to make “bamf” a saying to use when you are leaving a la Nightcrawler from X-Men. (Let me not even get into how I started Alcatraz for Far Rock and the term The Black Brad Pitt- give me a cut, Jigga) I decided to take a break from the “wordlife” crusade and instead propose using “Akoned” to describe when you disrespect someone extremely viciously or physically abuse someone in an embarrassing manner, like getting hip tossed in the club.

Not condoning his actions- just want to start a new word trend. Back to your regularly scheduled blog.

Installment Numero Tres….

"Do you want to take this outside?”

HAHAHAHAHAHA…..I’m sorry. This one just always makes me laugh. HA! Who seriously says this? Oh, yeah. Douchebags in clubs.

If you ask someone if they want to take something outside, that is telling that person that you are 1) uncreative, 2) unintelligent, 3) don’t really want to fight for real and 4) have a small penis. Let me further explain it to you….

1) You are uncreative- This is SUCH a cliché movie line. It is so badly used that I can’t even recall the last time they even used it in a movie. Think of something clever, bub, if you wanna do the man-dance.
2) You are unintelligent- Refer to 1). Also, if “taking it outside” is how you choose to solve a problem, you may want to rethink your schooling. Fights are always the last resort and people who normally say this don’t think that way. Nimrods.
3) You don’t want really want to fight for real- There are two types of fights- the first is for show and is pretty and is used in front of crowds to impress them. The second is dirty, fast and about winning- that’s all. People who get into the first fight scenario are usually not here to fight; they are here to show off in front of their friends. This is normally the reason why there is a lot of lip-bumping before these people fight. We will call these people punks.
People who engage in the second fight usually end up there after much inner debate. They are there to win or survive and want to do it quick. They have no time to get friends to showboat in front of. Let’s call these people grown-ass men. Guess which group the “take it outside” guy falls into?
4) You have a small penis- You just do. Accept it. What other reason do you need to
prove your manhood? That’s the only reason I can come up with.

With all of this being said, there are only two appropriate responses to the question of “Do you want to take this outside?” You can either laugh right in this person’s face and walk away shaking your head like you feel sorry for their mother (my personal fave). The other option is to smile and walk up to them and say in your most serious Bobby Deniro voice “Actually, I like it fine in here. Make a move, punk.”
Then you straight Akon that chump.

Next Week- "TBA" (Yeah, haven’t figured out what next week is going to be- suggestions?)

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